Birds Sing, and You'll Pay in the End
by animeninjaNIPPON
Summary: Zim is gone, the Irken race has been defeated, and Dib is now an interplanetary ambassador. But Tak arises out of the outer stretches of the universe and attempts to take back what is rightfully hers... [DATR]
1. I Love Being Emperor!

By animeninjaNIPPON

Well, here's my first DATR (not counting the references in The IZ Horror Picture Show). You heard me - I normally ship for ZADR, but I also like het pairings like DATR and ZAGR. It's the ship wars I dislike - those have to stop. Sorry, no Zim in this story...it's set in the future and is sorta based on how the series was originally going to end before it got cancelled.

I'm not Jhonen/Idon't own Invader Zim/I can't promise perfect IC-ness...you get the idea. I can't think of anymore creative disclaimers, sorry.

P.S.: Happy Halloween!

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A swish of his black cape lined in red, a quick look in the mirror - "Emperor Dib" (as he was often called) was ready for the Intergalactic Ambassadors' meeting. Ever since the fall of the Irken Empire (and defeat of pseudo-Invader Zim) two years ago, Dib had been living alone in his own space palace conducting important business for the alien rebels once known as the Resisty (and still known as the Resisty). He laughed hautily, as though possessed by the ghost of his former nemesis, and cried out, "I love being Emperor!" to no one in particular.

Alone. Alas, it was pretty lonely out there in space - he left his father and sister back on Earth, with Zim's ex-SIR unit Gir to take his place. (Gaz once commented that it was a good trade.) But it didn't bother the human ambassador at all - he was finally doing something he wanted to do and no one could call him crazy for it.

He turned on his computer to check in with the president of that day's meeting. "Hello?"

"Ah, Emperor Dib," came a voice from the other end. "How's Earth?"

"Wouldn't know," Dib replied. "I haven't been there since we conquered Irk and destroyed their empire."

"Oh. Right." A long pause ensued. "That was some Invasion, huh?"

"Yeah - can you believe Zim got killed by friendly fire? Guess his own planet hated him, too..."

"That's actually kind of funny."

Dib tried to supress a snicker, with little success. "Yeah."

An alarm went off in the background at HQ, and Dib could see the panic lights flashing in the background. "GAAAH!"

The president of the meeting ran away screaming, and after someone yelled "We're under attack!" the computer screen went black.

Without hesitation, Dib bolted from the room and headed to the garage where he kept his spaceship - a beautiful silver-and-black UFO-looking thing that he received along with his palace. After knocking over a stack of bean cans, he jumped into his ship and took off.

The planet that was once Irk was not far; Dib only flew for fifteen minutes to get there. When he reached the Intergalactic Headquarters, everything was in disarray. Aliens were screaming and waving their limbs insanely. Dib was about to yell for them to calm down when an octopus-like alien in a purple hat shouted, "We've captured the intruder!"

Everyone but Dib and a few executives collapsed to the floor with a sigh of relief. The octo-alien motioned with one of his tentacles for the guards bearing the terrorist to come forward. "The offender is defined as about five-two, wearing purple garb and...oh no...OH NOOO! AAAH! AAAAAH!"

He continued to scream incoherently as the offending alien was pulled into the room by two guards.

"Let go of me!" she snapped.

Dib stared at her in disbelief. "...Tak?"

End of part one


	2. Call from Home

By animeninjaNIPPON

"I thought we got rid of all the Irkens," someone in the crowd said.

The octo-alien stopped screaming and regained his senses. "Whether or not she's the last of her kind, knowing how the Irkens reproduce, we can't take any chances." He nodded to the guards, and they dragged Tak away as she screamed, "The Irken Empire will rise again!"

Once she was hauled off, all eyes and such turned to Dib.

The human ambassador took a breath. "She tried to take over Earth once," he explained. "She wasn't technically an Invader, but she was a lot better at it than Zim. But she was thrown to the outer edges of the universe, and presumed dead."

"So," the octo-alien mused, "you knew her?"

Dib remembered back to the day he met Tak, started hanging out with her...and found out she was an alien. "Not really." With a swish of his cape, he turned away.

"Meeting cancelled!" called the president, banging a gavel.

Back at his space palace, Dib made himself a bologna sandwich while singing the Doom Song that Gir had taught him. He took it into his parlor to eat while he watched "Mysterious Mysteries" on his giant-screen plasma TV. Before he could take one bite, his computer-phone rang. Grumbling, Dib dropped his sandwich on the couch and ran to the computer. Fortunately, he was able to get it before the third ring.

Gir came into view on the screen. "Hi, Dib!"

"Hi, Gir," Dib replied, not exactly sure why the little robot was calling him. No one in his terrestrial home had contacted him in two years - his dad was too busy and his sister was too...jaded. He had called them whenever he had the time, but it wasn't the same.

"Is my Master coming baaack?" he asked innocently.

Dib sighed. "No. We've had this conversation before."

"Master doesn't like it when I talk to you."

"Well he's not here anymore."

"YAY!" Gir jumped up and down on Dib's former bed. "Now we can be BEST FRIENDS!"

"Sure, I guess..." Dib felt uneasy as he watched Gir wreck his former room. "So, how's Gaz and my dad?"

"Gazzy won a CONTEST!" Gir squealed.

"Really? What kind?"

"She got a game...it's BIG...like your head."

"My head is not big!" Dib cried instinctively.

"Dib...why do you live so far away?"

"'Cuz I work for the galaxy now. I fight for the common good!" He raised his fist into the air as a sign of pride.

"Does Tak do that too?"

"WHAT?" Why the sudden interest in her? Had the whole universe found out about the scandal at the Intergalactic Headquarters? "Why are you asking about Tak?"

"'Cuz she's right behind you!" Gir collapsed on the floor in a fit of laughter.

Dib reached for his hand mirror, pretending to fix his collar. He caught a glimpse of something green in the background, and it spoke to him. "No need to pretend you don't see me, human."

End of part two


	3. Surprise Visitor

By animeninjaNIPPON

Dib looked back at Gir on the computer screen. "I have to go. Talk to you later, Gir."

"Okie-dokie!" The screen phased out.

Dib turned around. It was Tak all right... "How did you get out of jail?"

"Those cells were built by Irken slave labor." She narrowed her eyes. "I know how to get out of them."

Dib raised his mirror like a weapon. "Don't think I won't hit a girl."

"I'm not going to fight you...yet." She glanced around the room. "Why are you here and not on your own planet?"

"I can ask you the same thing, but either way the answer is the same - because I helped destroy Irk!"

"So I've noticed... While I was stranded on a lone asteroid, there was a huge slave rebellion - and they enlisted your help, am I correct?" Dib nodded. "And you killed everyone."

"I didn't really do any fighting," Dib confessed, feeling rather flighty under Tak's ominous gaze. "I...just...infiltrated..."

"So, in a sense, it's ALL your fault!"

"No, I did nothing! Zim was the one who - "

"Zim is DEAD!" Tak backed Dib up against the computer. "You took care of him already - but now I need to destroy YOU!"

Dib's left hand was on the Resisty Communication Button. He tried pressing it, but it was no good - the computer needed to be on in order for it to work. Curse that new-age technology! But he had an idea...

"Uh...before you destroy me, can I order pizza?"

"Huh?" Tak gave the cloaked human a skeptical glare.

"Pizza - I want to order a pizza." He smiled nervously. "I'll share it with you, if you'd like."

"All right, make it quick." She stepped back to give him room to work.

Immediately, Dib turned the computer on. He couldn't believe Tak had fallen for that! As soon as the screen turned on, Dib opened his mouth to say that he was being held hostage by an escaped convict, but a decorative vase came crashing down against his skull, knocking him out.

"Stupid human," Tak muttered. "As if I didn't know he was going to call for help." She approached the computer disdainfully.

"I am Tak, Last of the Superior Irken Race!" she boldly announced. "And I have your precious Emperor. If you ever want to see him alive again, you must pay me six hundred and sixty-six million monies!"

"The Resisty is at large," an effeminate electronic voice replied. "Please leave your message after the beep."

Tak grumbled angrily as the machine gave off a high-pitched beeping sound, then repeated what she said word-for-word (but without the previous gusto). Then she dragged Dib's body out of the pile of ceramic shards and out the automatic door.

End of part three


	4. I Know A Song

By animeninjaNIPPON

The sound of dripping water awoke the adolescent ambassador to a dark room filled with pipes and nozzles. He tried to move but his hands and feet were bound to a pipe by neon blue rings he figured were sonic handcuffs. Then he remembered his attacker.

"Tak!" he called. "Get back here! You think no one will find me down here? This is clearly my basement! TAAAK!"

"Be quiet." Tak's silhouette rose from behind a corner. "I'm not going to kill you until I have my ransom monies."

"Ransom?" Dib cried. "You kidnapped me?"

"I have debts to pay off." She walked over to a box and sat down. "But I'm going to use those monies to rebuild the fallen Irken Empire!"

"You can't do that! Even if I'm gone, the Resisty - the whole Intergalactic Ambassador's Association - they all know how to kill Irkens!"

"Well...I'll figure out the details later." She opened her PAK and took something out. "And here's your pizza." She hurled it at Dib and it hit his face with a SPLAT.

"Thanksh..." he mumbled.

They sat there in total silence for fifteen minutes. Dib couldn't see at all due to the sticky food substance in his face and all over his glasses, he couldn't move without straining his wrists and ankles, and he couldn't think because he desperately needed to use the restroom. Unable to do anything else, Dib began singing the Doom Song.

Tak perked her antennae. "What?"

He sang louder. "Doom doom doomdoom..."

"Stop that!"

"DOOMDOOMDOOM - "

"SHUT UP!"

"DOOM DOOM DOOM - "

Tak marched over to Dib and ripped the pizza out of his face. He sang on. "Why won't you stop?" she demanded.

"DOOM - lemme go to the bathroom and I'll stop - DOOM - "

"NEVER!" She cried, almost channeling Zim in her complaint.

"Doomdoom - well, I guess I'll mess myself... Doom doom..."

One of Tak's amethyst eyes twitched in aggrivation. Dib kept on singing the Doom Song. Tak reached up to where Dib's hands were cuffed to the pipe and turned off the handcuffs with a demagnetizer, then did the same to the cuffs on his feet. He ceased his song and crashed to the ground.

"All right," she seethed, "let's go. But I'm warning you - if you try to escape, you'll pay."

Dib rose from the cold ground and they went upstairs to the nearest restroom.

End of part four

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Sorry, another short chappie. Don't worry, they will get longer by around chapter six, I promise!

animeninjaNIPPON


	5. Face Off!

By animeninjaNIPPON

When they reached their destination, Tak went in first. Dib followed her angrily. "What are you doing?"

"I'm watching you to make sure you don't escape." She stared stoically at the toilet.

"GET OUT!" Dib yelled, crossing his legs and pointing to the door.

"I'm not leaving. Do you think I'm stupid?"

"I'll sing the Doom Song again," he threatened.

"Nice try, but it gets catchy after a while." She sang a few bars softly to prove her point.

Dib held his breath tightly. "Just turn around, OK?" he squeaked. "I promise I won't do anything stupid!"

Tak found the human's suffering rather amusing, but she didn't want to be around him if he wet himself. Reluctantly, she turned around and closed her eyes.

Oh, the humiliation...

After relieving himself, Dib went over to the sink to wash his hands. Water... It was he who tipped off the Resisty to the Irkens' water intolerance, and he would be an idiot not to try to splash Tak while her back was turned. He had promised not to do anything "stupid"... But on the other hand, attacking her while she was off-guard was a rather smart move...

"Don't even think about using that water stuff on me," she warned, still facing away from him. "I've built up an immunity to it."

"I'm not!" Dib protested. He finished washing his hands and went to the towel rack to dry them off. As he did so, Tak turned around. "See?" He held up his dry hands as proof.

"Very well." She grabbed him by the wrist. "I'm not a pushover like Zim was - you can't outsmart me." She dragged him out the door.

"It was ZIM who defeated you," Dib remarked, "and that's pretty sad."

Tak said nothing; instead, she merely squeezed his wrist until he shrieked in pain.

They went into the parlor. Tak sat down on the couch, still firmly grasping Dib's wrist. No sooner did her behind hit the cushion than she jumped up with a squeal of pain, letting go of the human.

"How DARE you!" she cried indignantly, rubbing her sore bottom and pointing to the cushion - which contained a now-squished version of Dib's bologna sandwich.

Dib started snickering. Then, realizing that he was free, he jumped up and directed a fist at Tak.

She dodged just in time, sending Dib crashing to the floor. "You really shouldn't hit a girl."

"You're not a girl," he shot back. "You're an IRKEN!" Showing no regard for gender favoritism, he swung again. She caught his fist in mid-air and retaliated with a kick to his shin. He recoiled and fell to the ground, dragging her along with him.

As they fought to strangle each other, Dib choked out, "I didn't know meat could hurt you through your clothes!"

"Non-Invaders are issued cheap, shabby garments!" Tak responded. In one move, Dib flipped her over and pinned her to the ground by her arms.

She widened her purple eyes and murmured, "Dib?"

"Huh?" He impulsively released her.

Her amethyst eyes narrowed into a glare as she pooled all her upper body strength into her arms and shoved Dib away, right into the couch. "Now," Tak said, rising from the floor, "no more distractions!" She brandished a pair of regular metal handcuffs.

Dib merely sat on the couch with a snarky grin. "Let's see you try to handcuff me."

End of part five


End file.
